I recently watched "Sex in the City 2" I love the part where the two mommy ladies talk about how hard it is to be moms. Especially when Charlotte says that she couldn't lose the nanny.
How many of us have had those moments where we hide in the closet and cry because we've hit our wall. We're at our limit. Our patience buckets are empty and we just can't take it any longer.
I had a great job at UC Berkeley, two kids in elementary school, a new baby, a nanny, and my husband had just received a major promotion that kept him away for half of the month. Life was moving fast. We had it all. But, here's the thing, I missed my kids. I was basically mothering/babysitting adults while I was paying someone else to "parent" my children. I was missing out on all of the special moments.
When the opportunity to move to a family friendly, less expensive, top public schools, neighborhood where I could be with the kids and my husband would be home more... well, it was a no brainer. We went for it. We moved across the country away from family to work on our immediate family.
I thought that being home with the kids would be so easy. I left a demanding job to be a full-time mom. I thought it would be cake. Well, it's not. It's hard to be with kids all of the time. Especially in a new town. Everything is different here. Making new friends is hard at this age.
The one good thing is that the kids are really happy. The baby won't know the difference of east coast vs west coast living. She'll think that seasons are the norm. In fact, I imagine that she'll one day to the west coast and find the constant sunshine, the cold ocean, and tall mountains to be different. She won't think of those things as home like I do.
It's interesting how life changes. Where it takes you. How you deal with it and what that leads to. Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would be living in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. If a fortune teller told me ten years ago, even five years ago, that they saw me living here I would have thought they were crazy and asked for my money back.
I'm still on the fence about living here. If I were to go back to Northern California tomorrow I would miss Pennsylvania. While I'm here I miss California. I want to drive to the ocean and look at the snowcapped mountains. But, I love looking out the window and the red, green, yellow, and orange trees here. It's cold enough today to wear my vintage, Pendleton wool coat. If I wore it at home I would sweat until it ended up folded on my arm. It spent so much time in the closet. So, for now, I think I'll set my coats and scarves free, pile up the leaves, and think about those snowcapped mountains on the west coast. I'll do my best to be a good mom to my children and remember that I'm here for them instead of catering to a group of professors and graduate students. It is nicer to clean up after my children in my own kitchen rather than cleaning up after adults at the university.